Depression and Self-Confidence

I thoroughly love the book Girl, Wash Your Face! by Rachel Hollis. The book is aptly titled Girl, Wash Your Face! because Rachel has been there. (I’m purposely calling her Rachel rather than Mrs. Hollis. It seems more personal.) She has been in the bathroom crying that ugly cry, because of rejection and failure. What do you do after the ugly cry? You wash your face. Then you move on according to Rachel.

Yes, I know that it has the word “girl” in the title, but guys can learn a lot from what she has to say as well.

Rachel goes through one myth, preconception, or “lie” at a time, and discusses why our old conceptions might be holding us back. What prompted me to create this post is the chapter titled “The Lie: I’m a Terrible Writer.” Rachel tells her readers in detail about the ups and downs of becoming a writer, and how she used to heavily rely on book reviews. Although she admittedly still looks at book reviews, she tells us how they aren’t her biggest influence anymore.

I wrote a star in my book (yes, I write in books) next to something that her therapist told her: “Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.”

Then Rachel does this:

Let me say that again for the people in the cheap seats. SOMEONE ELSE’S OPINOIN OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

She continues:

“Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. Those words are so powerful for anyone who tends to hold other people’s opinions ahead of their own; and they are never more profound than when we’re creating something. Maybe it’s a book, a blog, a company, a piece of art, or your fashion sense. When you create something from your heart, you do it because you can’t not do it. You produce it because you believe your creation deserves to be out in the world. You work and work and then you close your eyes and cross your fingers and hope it finds recognition. But here’s the thing about that magical, mystical thing you’re making: You create because you have a God-given ability to do so. You create as a gift to yourself and to the higher power who blessed you with those abilities. But you can’t make people like or understand it.

“You have to be willing to put it out there even if they don’t like it.”

As I reread these words, I can feel a sense of energy and confidence that I wish I had. Personally, if you get energized by reading this post or reading her book, then I’ve done my job. If anything you see here inspires you to work on your next project, then that is fanastic!

Even if Rachel and I don’t know each other personally, having words like these is what keeps me going both with my blog and other projects that I might tackle. My advice is to find whatever keeps you motivated.

I want to clarify that Rachel does in fact use editors, but the main idea is that she does not let every book review or comment determine what she writes next.

I would rather put my work out there no matter what the response will be. I would rather create in celebration of the fact that I have the ability to do so.

The passion and confidence drips from the page, right? That is my hope for all of you out there. I hope that we (myself included) find the strength and perseverance that Rachel has.

Also, don’t be afraid to try something creative and/or silly to get those creative juices flowing. You can use a new recipe, draw, journal, do yoga, talk to a suportive friend, read a book, see an inspiring and/or funny movie. The things that keep us motivated will change from person to person.

So, I hope you have a good week. Stay tuned for more inspiration and nuggets of wisdom that I have found along the way.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

So, What Does “Introvert” Mean, Anyway?

What does “introvert” mean exactly? Here is a brief overview for anyone who may or may not have heard what “introvert” and “extrovert” means:

Introverts are more than just “nerdy” or “shy.” As I like to say, they are the thinkers. Personally, I usually have a constant monologue in my head, but I don’t say much. You can see how social situations could be tricky. You’re supposed to be “on” and the life of the party, which is just not in our nature.

Introverts would rather read or do something relatively quiet instead of socializing with a large group. In large groups everyone seems to know how to talk over the noise, and follow multiple conversations. An introvert might get lost in the shuffle or feel invisible in this type of setting.

If there’s something that requires our undivided attention, all noise must be turned off or turned down as much as possible.

Extoverts on the other hand love to socialize. They are usually really good at making small talk with several people at a party or office, for example. They seem to easily make friends with anyone.

Extroverts wear their hearts on their sleeve. This sounds scary to me, because I have a lot of walls. You always know what an extrovert is thinking, because they often tell you without being asked. If introverts are the thinkers, extoverts are the talkers. It’s not that they don’t think. It’s just that they are more likely to think things through out loud.

I noticed that while I need complete silence when I read, others have music on or are perfectly at home reading in front of the TV.

Matbe it’s just me but I noticed that while extroverts like “loud” colors (yellow, red, orange, or anything bright), introverts like more subtle colors.

Funny observation: The social ones/extroverts are often afraid of the quiet ones/introverts. They look at us as though we are plotting to kill them. I guess it’s scary because they don’t know what we’re really thinking???

Anyway, I did some light research. It turns out that introverts get more blood flow to the frontal lobes, which is responsible for memory, problem solving, and planning. Extroverts get more blood flow to other areas of the brain realated to sensory and emotion. This finding more or less expains why extoverts need more stimuli. It’s hard to explain. So, I’m leaving a link here:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/introvert-extrovert.html

And here:

https://greatist.com/grow/extrovert-vs-introvert#Bottom-line

So, what do you do if you are an introvert that feels isolated and lonely? I’ve heard it said that it helps to make friends with like-minded people. Some suggestions I have gotten include an app called Bumble. It’s more than just a dating app where you swipe left or swipe right. You can use BFF mode to find friends or Bizz to help with business networking. Others are MeetUp.com and FaceBook groups. From what I can tell if you don’t find the group you are looking for, you can start one yourself. Other suggestions are to see if there are any groups you might be interested in at your school (assuming you’re still in school) or place of worship. You might also volunteer with a charity that has meaning to you.

With Covid coming to an end soon, it will be esier to reconnect with old friends or make new ones.

My goal for this post was for you to have a better understanding of yourself and those around you as well as maybe have a few suggestions. If I thnk of other ways to socialize and/or meet people, I will make another post. Any feeback or suggestions welcome.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

Side note: I didn’t do this on purpose, but the young adult in my featured image is reading 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest. It looks interesting, because most books I’ve read about depression or self help are about changing the way you think. I might buy it for myself.