An Introduction to Assertiveness Part 2

Assertiveness is more or less saying what’s on your mind in a manner that does not lower the importance of yourself or others.

It’s also important to point out that assertiveness is NOT the same thing as aggression. It is NOT getting your way. It is NOT manipulation in any form.

Perhaps Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons’ definition of assertiveness will best illustrate what I am trying to say:

Assertive behavior promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others.

That definiton really hit home for me. Imagine that. Equality and effective communication are at the core of assertiveness. I’m not trying to be sarcastic. It’s just that it’s so simple. What is even more incredible is that their book was originally written in the 1970s. It has been updated numerous times to change with the changing times. Interestingly, I’m working from the 2001 version of their book. How did they know that equality and effective communication would be in the forefront of people’s minds in 2021?

What really made me feel as if they knew me personally was this:

“Confronted with a difficult situation, lots of folks tend to respond non-assertively, thinking of an apporpriate comeback long after the opportunity has passed. Others react aggressively, and make a deep and negative impression that they often regret later. By developing a more adequate repertoire of assertive behavior, you may choose appropriate and self-fulfilling responses in a variety of situations.”

The non-assertive descripton describes me better. The few times that I yelled at people, it didn’t feel like me not to mention that it’s exhausting. However, we often make the mistake that being aggressive is the only way to get things done without being a doormat. Ever notice that cursing someone out in a big blow-up only raises the stress and tension for everyone invloved? I’m not trying to wipe all curse words off the face of the earth. But think about it. What does it really do? What type of results does it produce?

Interestingly, Alberti and Emmons point out that our relationships with peers aren’t the only relationships or social interactions that are important. There are a whole slew of misconceptions that we need to take a look at:

• Adults are more important than children
• Bosses are more important than employees
• Men are more important than women
• Whites are more important than People of Color
• Pysicians are more important than plumbers
• Teachers are more imortant than students
• Politicians are more important than voters
• Generals are more important than privates
• Winners are more important than losers
• Americans are more important than “foreigners”

The overall idea is that, yes, people may have certain authority, but those with authority are not more important than those who do not have authority. Similarly, those that look or speak differently are not above or below us. The same could be applied to education or any other criteria that might make us stand out.

Before I wrap up this post, I want to give an example from their book:

DINING OUT

Akim and Letita are at dinner at a moderately expensive restaurant. Akim has ordered a grilled chicken breast; but when the [chicken] is served, he finds it overcooked and dry. His action is:

Nonassertive: Akim grumbles to Letitia about the “burned” meat, and vows that he won’t patronize this restaurant in the furute. He says nothing to the waitress, responding, “Fine!” to her inquiry, “Is everything all right?” His dinner and evening are spoiled, and he feels angry with himself for taking no action. Akim’s estimate of himself and Letitia’s estimate of him are both deflated by the experience.

Agressive: Akim angrily summons the waitress to his table. He berates her loudly and unfairly for not complying with his order. His actions ridicule the waitress and embarrass Letitia. He demands and receives another chicken breast, this one more to his liking. He feels in control of the situation, but Letitia’s embarrassment creates friction between them and spoils their night out. The waitress is humiliated and angry for the rest of the evening.

Assertive: Akim motions the waitress to his table. He shows her the overcooked meat, and asks politely but firmly that it be retrurned to the kitchen and replaced. The waitress apologizes for the error, and shortly returns with a properly cooked order of chicken. Akim and Letitia enjoy dinner and Akim feels satisfaction with himself. The waitress is pleased with a satisfied customer and a generous tip.

Personally, I’ve learned that whatever the situatoin might be, it’s important to remember that equality is at the center of every interaction. The above information makes me wish I had discovered assertiveness years ago. Interestingly, I knew from the myriad of TV shows and movies that I have seen that communication is key in romantic relationships. It was sort of mind-blowing to realize that, as I’ve said, you can apply this knowledge to almost any social interaction.

My goal for this post was to help all of your interactions go smoothly and give you a little more confidence. The material/discussion above came from Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons. When I think back to when my group leader reccommended that book, I’m almost certain that he reccommended it to the group as a whole. Regardless, the tips given in the post can be applied to anyone who is reading it. My hope for both myself and others is that we grow a little and are able to move forward.

Stay tuned for my next nugget of wisdom that I find. 🙂

Best of luck,

Vanessa

An Introduction to Assertiveness

I have touched on assertiveness somewhat in other posts. My take is that you express yourself clearly without putting others down or devaluing yourself either. You do not bottle stuff up, or push it under. You are neither grumpy nor rude. You simply say what’s on your mind.

In the book Your Perfect Right by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons equality is presented as the basis of assertiveness and assertive conversations you have. On the one hand they do not endorse “getting your way” or “getting back at” someone who may have treated you badly. The flip side is that they don’t necessarily encourage you to “turn the other cheek” (which, in this case, more or less means doing nothing). They write, “We think the important thing is to affirm self-worth–both yours and the other person’s.”

I personally love this concept. It’s so simple when you think about it. What it all boils down to is that you are not more or less important than anyone else.

They explain:

“You don’t have to intimidate others in order to avoid being intimidated. And you don’t have to allow yourself to be pushed around by anybody. By learning to be effectively assertive, you can deal with …upsets directly and honestly, and keep everyone on equal footing–most of the time, anyway.”

They continue:

“Assertiveness is an alternative to personal powerlessness or manipulation. You’ll find in this book a program which will help you develop effective ways to express yourself, maintain your self-respect and show respect for others. We firmly believe in the equal worth of every human being.”

Alberti and Emmons mention a Ziggy cartoon to drive their point home. Basically, Ziggy approaches a door with a sign that says “Assertiveness Training Class.” Below that is another sign that says “Don’t Bother to Knock, Barge Right In!” While that cartoon is meant to be funny, that is not what the their book teaches.

Alberti and Emmons’ book acts as a guide or workbook on how to become assertive. They state that their goals are to “show you how to retain a sense of control [and] a sense of power in your own life without trying to control others in the process.”

I’m quoting heavily from their book today, but they make several good points such as this:

“Aggression and assertion are commonly confused, but assertive behavior doesn’t push others around, deny their rights, or run roughshod over them. Assertiveness reflects genuine concern for everybody’s rights.”

This is turning out to be much longer than I thought. I’m going to write more in a follow-up post. For now, you might try observing how you interact with others, and remember to say what’s on your mind without being rude.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

How Procrastination is Related to Depression

In the books that I’ve read there’s often a chapter included that’s about procrastination. I believe the common thread or theme is that depression often comes when you feel stuck; and you feel stuck, because you keep putting off things that need to get done. In Brian Tracy’s book Eat That Frog! he points out, “Your ‘frog’ is your biggest, most important task, the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it now. It is also the one task that can have the greatest positive impact on your life and results at the moment.”

There’s a lot of truth to what he says. But if one thing could have such huge results, why do we procrastinate and remain stuck?

I like how Karen Scalf Linamen approaches this problem in her book Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight. She writes:

“I’ve struggled with procrastination for years. I’ve read books and articles on the subject. I’ve researched it on the Internet. But when I read the following words by Dr. Kevin P. Austin, psychologist and director of Student Counceling Services at the California Institute of Technology, I knew I was onto something. Austin wrote, ‘People procrastinate because they experience emotions they don’t want to feel when they attempt to do some things.’

“As soon as I read those words, something in my brain went, “Yes!” It’s true. I don’t procrastinate to avoid doing things–even unpleasant things. Instead, I procrastinate to avoid feeling unpleasant emotions, like my [fear of imperfection that causes] panic that whatever I’m about to attempt might not turn out all that great.”

Here she asks the reader a question.

“What are some of the unpleasant emotions that crop up?”

She includes herself when she says that we may feel:

• afraid
• helpless
• powerless
• overwhlemed
• controlled
• sad
• rebellious
• embarrassed
• discouraged
• anxious
• guilty
• disinterested
• resentful
• bored
• insecure
• exhausted
• ashamed
• inferior

Linamen uses examples in her book that show how friends of hers put off doing things, and lists specific feelings these friends are trying to avoid. However, the one that hits home for me is an example from her own life. Linamen writes:

“I once put off paying a parking ticket until the very last minute because every time I thought about finding the envelope and stamps necessary to mail in my payment, I felt overwhelmed by the lack of organization in my home. By procrastinatin, I avoided feeling discouraged and defeated by my cluttered work space.”

It’s funny. Linamen writes about how procrastinators are often given advice about time management. However, for most of us it’s argueable that this is NOT the issue! It is indeed the negative emotions that we are avoiding.

“We don’t procrastinate because we’re short on time. We procrastinate because we’re short on better ways to manage the unpleasant emotions we’ve attched to certain tasks.”

I couldn’t agree more. When I read this section of her book, something definately hit home for me. I can do tasks. I can make lists, and cross out things that I need to do. And, yes, there is often more than enough time to do the things I want to do. However, I feel that maybe one or two more stories from Linamen’s book could be better examples of the “frogs” that we are talking about. For example, this one:

A friend of hers “put off dieting because the thought of sticking with a diet plan made her feel controlled and restricted, feelings she could avoid by procrastinating.”

If this friend eats her “frog,” there’s a good chance she will be much healthier physically. She could potentially lower her cholesterol, lower the risk of diabetes, and a whole slew of other problems. She’ll have more energy. She’ll be putting less weight and strain on her joints. The list goes on. However, I think it’s important to have friends in her corner that believe in her so that they can give her the encouragement she needs. This is a topic I might cover in another post.

Another potentially life-changing “frog” is this one:

“A colleague has been putting off an important phone call he needs to make that will help unravel the financial knot he’s tied up in. With his procrastination, is he consciously trying to avoid the benefits of greater freedom in his life? Not at all. He longs for resolution. His procrastination is orchestrated to help him avoid unpleasant emotions–embarrassment and failure–he feels when he merely thinks about the problem at hand.”

We could spend time speculating about the nature of his phone call. Was he declaring bankruptcy or simply calling his financial adviser? Who knows. The point is that this is the one thing that could make his life a lot easier.

Much like those in the examples above, we need to take a good look at what’s holding us back. The main idea is to identify these emotions, and overcome them in some way. Linamen sugguests finding a friend or loved one, telling them what you plan to do, and have that person check in on you from time to time.

I’m not perfect. I’m still muddling through life myself. But I find these suggestions and insights to be really helpful.

For further reading you might try Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight: 52 Amazing Ways to Master the Art of Personal Change by Karen Scalf Linamen. She is funny and her books read as if she is your funny and quirky yet insightful big sister or friend. If you want a more straightforward serious approach from someone in the business world, try Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy. These books are a little old, so you might have more luck finding them on the Internet than in your local book store. However, both are easy to read, and definately struck home for me.

I hope this helps you learn something about yourself. I already have a few ideas for new posts. So, stay tuned!

Best of luck,

Vanessa

What I Learned From Season 9 of Roseanne

The first eight seasons of Roseanne feature an instrumental theme song. However, Season 9, which was the last season before it went off the air the first time, has some lyrics that caught my attention. They go like this:

If what doesn't kill us is making us stronger,
We're gonnna last longer
Than that greatest wall in China
Or that rabbit with the drum

If there's one thing that I learned
While waiting for my turn,
It's that in each life some rain falls
But you also get some sun

And we'll make out better than okay
Hear what I say
Hey, any day

Yes, I know all about the racist comment that Roseanne made on Twitter, but that’s not what I’m here to discuss.

I took the time to look up who wrote those lyrics. They were written and performed by John Popper of the band Blues Traveler. Honestly, blues isn’t my thing, but there’s something about Roseanne and those lyrics in particular that speak to me. It’s implied that life is going to have it’s ups and downs. It’s going to be downright crappy at times. But if you can find the humor in a situation, you’ll pull through.

I tried to think of a witty, profound quote to reinforce the old saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head. So, I’m going to switch things up some by telling you about my own experience.

In the fall of 2015 I was in a car accident that resulted in me getting whiplash. They did MRIs of my neck and back. As far as I know, I did not tear any ligaments. For me whiplash was a widespread sprain/strain.

However, most sprains go away after a few weeks, or so I thought. Weeks turned into months, which turned into years. I keep limber by doing yoga daily, but still run into problems.

I was using a pillow that had been advertized on TV. I quickly learned that this particular pillow definately fell short of what they advertized on TV, but, not wanting to believe that it was a waste of money, kept using it from time to time.

Well, last week was the last straw. I woke up with severe tension in my neck that was obviously due to sleeping wrong. This resulted in breaking down to get measured for an expensive but hopefully effective custom pillow.

The point that I was building up to is this:

The other night I had just finished washing my hair, and wondering how I would dry it. The next thought that occured to me was, “Well, I did it before.” I got through I don’t know how many nights drying my hair and moving my head around as I did so. I reassured myself in that moment that I could do this now, because I had managed before.

In a nutshell I can’t say that life has been perfect the past few years, but I’m more balanced than I was before. I can’t promise that you’ll get equal amounts of “sun” and “rain,” but you will get stronger as they say.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

So, What Does “Introvert” Mean, Anyway?

What does “introvert” mean exactly? Here is a brief overview for anyone who may or may not have heard what “introvert” and “extrovert” means:

Introverts are more than just “nerdy” or “shy.” As I like to say, they are the thinkers. Personally, I usually have a constant monologue in my head, but I don’t say much. You can see how social situations could be tricky. You’re supposed to be “on” and the life of the party, which is just not in our nature.

Introverts would rather read or do something relatively quiet instead of socializing with a large group. In large groups everyone seems to know how to talk over the noise, and follow multiple conversations. An introvert might get lost in the shuffle or feel invisible in this type of setting.

If there’s something that requires our undivided attention, all noise must be turned off or turned down as much as possible.

Extoverts on the other hand love to socialize. They are usually really good at making small talk with several people at a party or office, for example. They seem to easily make friends with anyone.

Extroverts wear their hearts on their sleeve. This sounds scary to me, because I have a lot of walls. You always know what an extrovert is thinking, because they often tell you without being asked. If introverts are the thinkers, extoverts are the talkers. It’s not that they don’t think. It’s just that they are more likely to think things through out loud.

I noticed that while I need complete silence when I read, others have music on or are perfectly at home reading in front of the TV.

Matbe it’s just me but I noticed that while extroverts like “loud” colors (yellow, red, orange, or anything bright), introverts like more subtle colors.

Funny observation: The social ones/extroverts are often afraid of the quiet ones/introverts. They look at us as though we are plotting to kill them. I guess it’s scary because they don’t know what we’re really thinking???

Anyway, I did some light research. It turns out that introverts get more blood flow to the frontal lobes, which is responsible for memory, problem solving, and planning. Extroverts get more blood flow to other areas of the brain realated to sensory and emotion. This finding more or less expains why extoverts need more stimuli. It’s hard to explain. So, I’m leaving a link here:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/introvert-extrovert.html

And here:

https://greatist.com/grow/extrovert-vs-introvert#Bottom-line

So, what do you do if you are an introvert that feels isolated and lonely? I’ve heard it said that it helps to make friends with like-minded people. Some suggestions I have gotten include an app called Bumble. It’s more than just a dating app where you swipe left or swipe right. You can use BFF mode to find friends or Bizz to help with business networking. Others are MeetUp.com and FaceBook groups. From what I can tell if you don’t find the group you are looking for, you can start one yourself. Other suggestions are to see if there are any groups you might be interested in at your school (assuming you’re still in school) or place of worship. You might also volunteer with a charity that has meaning to you.

With Covid coming to an end soon, it will be esier to reconnect with old friends or make new ones.

My goal for this post was for you to have a better understanding of yourself and those around you as well as maybe have a few suggestions. If I thnk of other ways to socialize and/or meet people, I will make another post. Any feeback or suggestions welcome.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

Side note: I didn’t do this on purpose, but the young adult in my featured image is reading 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest. It looks interesting, because most books I’ve read about depression or self help are about changing the way you think. I might buy it for myself.

Happy Spring! :) :) :)

I found a nice reading for Spring from Amy E. Dean’s Peace of Mind. Only it’s not about a Spring Awakening or anything like that. It’s more about finding peace and tranquility. She starts off with a quote from Mother Teresa:

See how nature– trees, flowers, grass– grows in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence…We need silence to be able to touch souls.

Mother Teresa

Ms. Dean continues:

“Meditation is the process of emptying your mind from stressful thoughts so you can experience physical relaxation and inner peace. It’s a way to open yourself up to communication not only with your inner self, but also with a spiritual guide, such as a Higher Power. In making this contact, you gain knowledge, inspiration, and guidance about the people and situations in your life so you can handle them calmly and effectively.

“How do you meditate? There are no hard-and-fast rules. Some sit in a quiet, candlelit room, with their eyes closed; some listen to soothing music, recorded nature sounds, or a guided-meditation tape; some chant one word; others use running, bike riding, or walking as a chance to meditate.

“To begin meditating, select a place where you won’t be interupted and an appointed time each day; in that way, you can be conditioned to calm and still your mind. When stressful thoughts occur, simply let them float through your consciousness. Rather than react to them, picture them slowly dissolving away like crystals of sugar in water.”

She finishes by giving the reader a new thought or goal:

“Meditation can help me remain calm in the midst of stressful and conflicting situations. Today I will set aside a half hour for meditating.”

I think Ms. Dean makes a lot of good points. Did you ever want to go for a walk not so much for the exercise but mostly to clear your head? How many times have we been told to not become part of the rat race?

I think it’s a good idea to remember not to react to negative thoughts. I like the imagery of having them dissolve like sugar crystals in water.

I practice yoga regularly for several reasons with the biggest reason being my bad back. It certainly helps my back as well as my whole body to become stronger and more flexable. Interestingly, yoga teachers often point out that yoga is for the mind. It’s easy for me to understand this, because when my body feels good I’m in a better mood. Yoga has this paradoxal energizing and calming effect that I can’t get enough of.

I started off this post talking about Spring. My recconmendation is to take a nature walk of some sort. Find a way to step away from your problems if only for a few minutes.

You are important. Remember that taking time for yourself is not a waste of time. It is certainly something to be valued.

Best of luck and Happy Spring! Comments or suggestions are welcome! 🙂

Vanessa

Eat That Frog! How to Tackle Challenging Tasks

Today I’d like to talk about procrastination.  In Brian Tracy’s Eat That Frog!  21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time he brings up the idea that you can procrastinate less. A few suggestions are making lists and crossing off things one at a time, or simply biting the bullet and doing that one thing that you keep putting off for long lengths of time.

Tracy writes:

“Your ‘frog’ is your biggest, most important task, the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it now.  It is also the one task that can have the greatest positive impact on your life and results at the moment.”

If this didn’t get your attention yet, stay tuned.  I found this next part to be funny, yet accurate.

Photo by Richard Fletcher on Pexels.com

“It has also been said, ‘If you have two frogs, eat the ugliest one first.'”

You know this is true.  If we took his advice, we would close out of the blogs (myself and my own blog included), and would do the two most difficult tasks looming over our heads right now.

The author makes this point:

“An average person who develops the habit of setting clear priorities and getting important tasks completed quickly will run circles around a genius who talks a lot and makes wonderful plans but gets very little done.”

I have a lecture in my head ready to go for students that I tutor or any kid that would need a little push.  I would tell them that a kid with a lot of talent for basketball who goofs off all day won’t get as far as the average kid who practices day in and day out.  So, why is it so hard to apply this simple principle to myself???

I guess one of the main differences is that basketball is fun.  When you have a bigger task like contacting your insurance company or looking for a job, they can seem like the biggest, ugliest “frogs” you’ll ever see.

One last thought:

“Whenever you complete a task of any size or importance, you feel a surge of energy, enthusiasm, and self-esteem.  The more important the completed task, the happier, more confident, and more powerful you feel about yourself and your world.”

I guess we should all keep these things in mind.  I know it’s easier to put things off til tomorrow, but the point is that we should do the harder tasks now.

Oh yeah, and if you eat that frog, you won’t feel as weighed down as you did before. 

Any reader can feel free to comment.  What’s your biggest “frog”?  How long do you put things off?? 

Hope this post motivated you some.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

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Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned in Belly Dancing Class

A few years ago I came across Karen Scalf Linamen’s How to Have a Fabulous Life– No Matter What Comes Your Way. In it she writes:

Everything I need to know about life I learned in belly dancing class.

Got you attention yet? Good!

Karen starts out saying that she has been taking belly dancing lessons for some time. She thoroughly enjoys belly dancing, but admits to not being very good at it. In fact, she thinks she looks more like C3PO. She continues to say what fascinates her, and how you can apply certain concepts to real life.

I love all the isolations. They take a lot of concentration, forcing you to identify and work separate muscle groups. I still practice them one at a time, although I am trying to learn how to do two at once. A real dancer can layer many at the same time. And even though her dancing looks fluid and whole, I know enough about the art to realize that it looks that way because she has invested time learning to perform each move without disrupting the beauty of the others. In other words, her hip slide looks just as graceful whether it’s being performed alone or she surrounds it with a flurry of footwork, shoulder shimmies, and body rolls.

That’s how I want my emotional muscles to work.

I want to exercise peace until it comes just as naturally all by itself or surrounded by a flurry of circumstances that may or may not be peaceful.

I want to exercise joy until it comes just as naturally all by itself or surrounded by a flurry of circumstances that may or may not generate happiness.

And I want to exercise hope until it comes just as naturally alone or surrounded by a flurry of circumstances that may or may not encourage hope.

Oh, I almost forgot.

You remember how I mentioned all the stuff muscles do? They give us strength, determine our path, get us going, keep us on track, and even help us change the world.

When we find ourselves flat on our face in a dark place, muscles get us back on our feet, moving toward an exit, and reaching for the switch that makes the world shiny and bringht once again. And the next time the light goes out at the end of one of your tunnels, a well-toned sense of peace, hope, and joy can do the very same thing.

She continues to say that she teaches you how to stretch, flex, and tone these “muscles” that bring us peace, hope, and joy.

Karen’s books are often filled with wit and humor, which is what led me to purchase two of her other books after reading the one listed above. These are:

Just Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt

Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight

I agree with a lot of what she said about “emotional muscles”. While it may seen at times that happiness can’t be practiced, we can practice reacting to everyday conflict in order to help prepare for when bigger problems come along. Unfortuneately, at times it seems as though it’s the big problems that prepare you for even BIGGER problems.

My point is that you can find humor in certain situations. You can take a class, and see how well you do. Belly dancing, for example, was fun and taught Karen how to adapt to situations that are difficult to navigate. Perhaps, you’re only interested in reading more books such as the ones listed above. Do whatever works for you.

I hope that this blog helps you become more calm and peaceful, and less stressed.

Peace,

Vanessa

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!! :)

I have a book called Peace of Mind by Amy E. Dean. It has a page for each day of the year. I pulled it out hoping to find a St. Patrick’s Day reading. But found this instead, which is pretty inspiring as well.

I’m very competitive. However, I’m not so obsessed with winning that I cannot one day walk away from this occupation.

Robert Parish

The desire to win can be addictive. It’s fun to win. Winners receive recognition. Winners earn rewards. Winners get ahead.

Competition, like excitement, thrills, challenges, and risks, can be seen as a positive stress. It’s what most people expect to find in the job world and what motivates many to try their best.

But there’s a fine line that, when crossed, can change the stress of competition from positive to negative. This can happpen when the obsession to win becomes too consuming, when the pressure to win changes from a challenge to a burden, or when the thought of losing induces paralysis or fear. Then competition can turn into compulsion, where winning is the only acceptable out come.

The key to working with the competition in your life is to stay focused on yourself, not the outcome. Always strive to maintain the attitude: It’s not important whether I win or lose; it’s how I play the game.

Then she concludes with this thought:

Today, I’ll remember that any effort I make can make me a winner. I’ll let competition motivate me, not overwhelm me.

This made me think of the movie The Breakfast Club where Brian gets a lot of pressure from his parents to do well in school. I can relate to that. I was always smart and did well like Brian, and was expected to maintain high grades. Similarly, Andrew showed early signs of being good at sports, and was expected to continue to do well.

I think we have to ask ourselves how much pressure we are putting on ourselves as adults. Should we let go of perfection???

For the introverts out there, chances are you are experiencing these things, and everyone thinks you’re fine because you keep everything to yourself.

I don’t have any advice except to be aware that you may be doing this, and to remember to take breaks every once in a while.

Create your own good luck by finding balance.

Hope you enjoy your St. Patrick’s Day!!!

Best of luck,

Vanessa

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Introducing Myself

Hi.  Welcome to my blog! If you have found your way to my site, chances are you’re a little down. Chances are you may have heard of introverts and extroverts as well. From what I can tell introverts internalize things. They keep to themselves. They generally are not the life of the party. Extroverts, on the other hand, wear their hearts on their sleeve. They generally say whatever is on their mind. You know right away if they are happy, sad, or anxious. In a nutshell introverts are the thinkers, and extroverts are the talkers. I know it’s not that cut and dry, but more about that later.

Have you ever kept something bottled up for so long that you explode? And it possibly doesn’t go very well to say the least? If so, keep reading.

Basically, I have had a few personal set backs to say the least. I have made it through two car accidents, and the Behavioral Medicine Unit at a local hospital. (although, not in that order)

I have gathered several sources of inspiration that help keep me on track, and would like to share them with you.

I have found that extroverts have lots of friends. They already know how to talk to everyone. There are exceptions to every rule, but stick with me.

I found that everyone has what I call a spilling over effect. Extroverts vent or spill over on a regular basis. Introverts are more likely to bottle up things until things explode or get completely out of control. So, you can understand why depression might come easily. It often seems as though people want to talk to you and help you in any way that they can. The tricky part is that introverts often don’t make friends easily.

OK. Maybe I was rambling a little. However, if any of that made sense, you are more than welcome to read my blog.

To be clear my blog is for more than just introverts. Everyone is invited to come along for the ride. It’s just that it seems as though introverts are faced with extra difficulty.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

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