Introducing Myself

Hi.  Welcome to my blog! If you have found your way to my site, chances are you’re a little down. Chances are you may have heard of introverts and extroverts as well. From what I can tell introverts internalize things. They keep to themselves. They generally are not the life of the party. Extroverts, on the other hand, wear their hearts on their sleeve. They generally say whatever is on their mind. You know right away if they are happy, sad, or anxious. In a nutshell introverts are the thinkers, and extroverts are the talkers. I know it’s not that cut and dry, but more about that later.

Have you ever kept something bottled up for so long that you explode? And it possibly doesn’t go very well to say the least? If so, keep reading.

Basically, I have had a few personal set backs to say the least. I have made it through two car accidents, and the Behavioral Medicine Unit at a local hospital. (although, not in that order)

I have gathered several sources of inspiration that help keep me on track, and would like to share them with you.

I have found that extroverts have lots of friends. They already know how to talk to everyone. There are exceptions to every rule, but stick with me.

I found that everyone has what I call a spilling over effect. Extroverts vent or spill over on a regular basis. Introverts are more likely to bottle up things until things explode or get completely out of control. So, you can understand why depression might come easily. It often seems as though people want to talk to you and help you in any way that they can. The tricky part is that introverts often don’t make friends easily.

OK. Maybe I was rambling a little. However, if any of that made sense, you are more than welcome to read my blog.

To be clear my blog is for more than just introverts. Everyone is invited to come along for the ride. It’s just that it seems as though introverts are faced with extra difficulty.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

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Perception: How a Little Bit of Communication Can Change Everything

I’m a sign language interpreter at a school.  I was placed with a student with low language skills, because I myself am not fluent (yet) in American Sign Language (ASL).  The resource classroom I work in is set up so that other interpreters are positioned at the front of the classroom while I work one-on-one.  It sounds simple and straight forward, but keep in mind that most of the interpreters are interns and have not been in an educational setting before.

A problem arose when another interpreter asked me to swap places with her.  This person did not say why she needed to swap.  Whether the interpreter needed a break or whatever the reason is still unknown.  This happened in the middle of a lesson on kinetic and potential  energy.  I was prepared to do more than interpret for my student.  I had worksheets and various manipulatives that I wanted to use.  In fact, I’m more or less a teacher or tutor.  As you can see, interpreting a physics lesson is entirely different.

So, this interpreter asked to switch with me.  I indicated that I wasn’t comfortable switching.  I used the head teacher’s laptop to look for a video on YouTube (which we’ve done before).  I didn’t quite see what I was looking for.  I played a physics lesson that was taught in ASL.  The video was less than ideal, but I didn’t know what else to do.  In the mean time the other interpreter got up and went to sit with the para and two other interpreters in the back of the room.  This left me to interpret on my own.

As I watched the video play, I got really upset.  I excused myself to go to the teacher’s lounge.  I sat there for much longer than I intended, because I did not want others to see me crying.

Over the weekend I contacted my boss about it.  I sent an email.  It was perhaps more exaggerated than was necessary, but at least I was able to tell my entire side of the story from beginning to end.  After all, I felt as though it was part of a bigger problem that had been building momentum.  It turns out that I wasn’t supposed to be interpreting at the front of the classroom at all.  I was only supposed to stick with my assigned student.

Basically, we had both more or less perceived each other as being stubborn, unprofessional, or whatever word you would like to use.  I contacted my boss rather than letting tension build or riding it out.  Things aren’t perfect (yet), but at least they’re better than what they were.  We see each other better now.  I wasn’t equipped to deal with the other interpreter person to person, but at least I accomplished what I set out to accomplish which was making the situation better.  We each have a better understanding of our job duties and responsibilities.

So, how do you perceive things at work or in your home life?? Are you holding things in?? Are you blowing up at someone over a simple misunderstanding?  Is someone mad at you because of something that you didn’t even realize was bothering them?

I’ve learned that you have to talk your way through problems even if the conversation seems uncomfortable.  You have to ask questions, especially at work.  Asking questions doesn’t make you stupid.  It means that you want clarification.  It means that you want to prevent setbacks or mistakes.  It means that you’re brave enough to step forward when others keep all of their questions and concerns to themselves.

I actually considered quitting my job.  Now I get the chance to practice sign language and learn from others.  When I look around the classroom and ask, “why am I still here?” I can honestly answer by saying that my student is making progress.  My student is finally getting the one-on-one attention that he deserves, and it shows.

My advice to you is that if you find yourself in my position, take a breath and then have a much-needed conversation.

You may have noticed that it’s been a long time since the last time I posted.  I’ve been a little busy, but still want to help others with my blog.  Please feel free to offer suggestions for topics that you would like to see me discuss in the future.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

An Introduction to Assertiveness Part 2

Assertiveness is more or less saying what’s on your mind in a manner that does not lower the importance of yourself or others.

It’s also important to point out that assertiveness is NOT the same thing as aggression. It is NOT getting your way. It is NOT manipulation in any form.

Perhaps Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons’ definition of assertiveness will best illustrate what I am trying to say:

Assertive behavior promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others.

That definiton really hit home for me. Imagine that. Equality and effective communication are at the core of assertiveness. I’m not trying to be sarcastic. It’s just that it’s so simple. What is even more incredible is that their book was originally written in the 1970s. It has been updated numerous times to change with the changing times. Interestingly, I’m working from the 2001 version of their book. How did they know that equality and effective communication would be in the forefront of people’s minds in 2021?

What really made me feel as if they knew me personally was this:

“Confronted with a difficult situation, lots of folks tend to respond non-assertively, thinking of an apporpriate comeback long after the opportunity has passed. Others react aggressively, and make a deep and negative impression that they often regret later. By developing a more adequate repertoire of assertive behavior, you may choose appropriate and self-fulfilling responses in a variety of situations.”

The non-assertive descripton describes me better. The few times that I yelled at people, it didn’t feel like me not to mention that it’s exhausting. However, we often make the mistake that being aggressive is the only way to get things done without being a doormat. Ever notice that cursing someone out in a big blow-up only raises the stress and tension for everyone invloved? I’m not trying to wipe all curse words off the face of the earth. But think about it. What does it really do? What type of results does it produce?

Interestingly, Alberti and Emmons point out that our relationships with peers aren’t the only relationships or social interactions that are important. There are a whole slew of misconceptions that we need to take a look at:

• Adults are more important than children
• Bosses are more important than employees
• Men are more important than women
• Whites are more important than People of Color
• Pysicians are more important than plumbers
• Teachers are more imortant than students
• Politicians are more important than voters
• Generals are more important than privates
• Winners are more important than losers
• Americans are more important than “foreigners”

The overall idea is that, yes, people may have certain authority, but those with authority are not more important than those who do not have authority. Similarly, those that look or speak differently are not above or below us. The same could be applied to education or any other criteria that might make us stand out.

Before I wrap up this post, I want to give an example from their book:

DINING OUT

Akim and Letita are at dinner at a moderately expensive restaurant. Akim has ordered a grilled chicken breast; but when the [chicken] is served, he finds it overcooked and dry. His action is:

Nonassertive: Akim grumbles to Letitia about the “burned” meat, and vows that he won’t patronize this restaurant in the furute. He says nothing to the waitress, responding, “Fine!” to her inquiry, “Is everything all right?” His dinner and evening are spoiled, and he feels angry with himself for taking no action. Akim’s estimate of himself and Letitia’s estimate of him are both deflated by the experience.

Agressive: Akim angrily summons the waitress to his table. He berates her loudly and unfairly for not complying with his order. His actions ridicule the waitress and embarrass Letitia. He demands and receives another chicken breast, this one more to his liking. He feels in control of the situation, but Letitia’s embarrassment creates friction between them and spoils their night out. The waitress is humiliated and angry for the rest of the evening.

Assertive: Akim motions the waitress to his table. He shows her the overcooked meat, and asks politely but firmly that it be retrurned to the kitchen and replaced. The waitress apologizes for the error, and shortly returns with a properly cooked order of chicken. Akim and Letitia enjoy dinner and Akim feels satisfaction with himself. The waitress is pleased with a satisfied customer and a generous tip.

Personally, I’ve learned that whatever the situatoin might be, it’s important to remember that equality is at the center of every interaction. The above information makes me wish I had discovered assertiveness years ago. Interestingly, I knew from the myriad of TV shows and movies that I have seen that communication is key in romantic relationships. It was sort of mind-blowing to realize that, as I’ve said, you can apply this knowledge to almost any social interaction.

My goal for this post was to help all of your interactions go smoothly and give you a little more confidence. The material/discussion above came from Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons. When I think back to when my group leader reccommended that book, I’m almost certain that he reccommended it to the group as a whole. Regardless, the tips given in the post can be applied to anyone who is reading it. My hope for both myself and others is that we grow a little and are able to move forward.

Stay tuned for my next nugget of wisdom that I find. 🙂

Best of luck,

Vanessa

Depression and Self-Confidence

I thoroughly love the book Girl, Wash Your Face! by Rachel Hollis. The book is aptly titled Girl, Wash Your Face! because Rachel has been there. (I’m purposely calling her Rachel rather than Mrs. Hollis. It seems more personal.) She has been in the bathroom crying that ugly cry, because of rejection and failure. What do you do after the ugly cry? You wash your face. Then you move on according to Rachel.

Yes, I know that it has the word “girl” in the title, but guys can learn a lot from what she has to say as well.

Rachel goes through one myth, preconception, or “lie” at a time, and discusses why our old conceptions might be holding us back. What prompted me to create this post is the chapter titled “The Lie: I’m a Terrible Writer.” Rachel tells her readers in detail about the ups and downs of becoming a writer, and how she used to heavily rely on book reviews. Although she admittedly still looks at book reviews, she tells us how they aren’t her biggest influence anymore.

I wrote a star in my book (yes, I write in books) next to something that her therapist told her: “Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.”

Then Rachel does this:

Let me say that again for the people in the cheap seats. SOMEONE ELSE’S OPINOIN OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

She continues:

“Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. Those words are so powerful for anyone who tends to hold other people’s opinions ahead of their own; and they are never more profound than when we’re creating something. Maybe it’s a book, a blog, a company, a piece of art, or your fashion sense. When you create something from your heart, you do it because you can’t not do it. You produce it because you believe your creation deserves to be out in the world. You work and work and then you close your eyes and cross your fingers and hope it finds recognition. But here’s the thing about that magical, mystical thing you’re making: You create because you have a God-given ability to do so. You create as a gift to yourself and to the higher power who blessed you with those abilities. But you can’t make people like or understand it.

“You have to be willing to put it out there even if they don’t like it.”

As I reread these words, I can feel a sense of energy and confidence that I wish I had. Personally, if you get energized by reading this post or reading her book, then I’ve done my job. If anything you see here inspires you to work on your next project, then that is fanastic!

Even if Rachel and I don’t know each other personally, having words like these is what keeps me going both with my blog and other projects that I might tackle. My advice is to find whatever keeps you motivated.

I want to clarify that Rachel does in fact use editors, but the main idea is that she does not let every book review or comment determine what she writes next.

I would rather put my work out there no matter what the response will be. I would rather create in celebration of the fact that I have the ability to do so.

The passion and confidence drips from the page, right? That is my hope for all of you out there. I hope that we (myself included) find the strength and perseverance that Rachel has.

Also, don’t be afraid to try something creative and/or silly to get those creative juices flowing. You can use a new recipe, draw, journal, do yoga, talk to a suportive friend, read a book, see an inspiring and/or funny movie. The things that keep us motivated will change from person to person.

So, I hope you have a good week. Stay tuned for more inspiration and nuggets of wisdom that I have found along the way.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

An Introduction to Assertiveness

I have touched on assertiveness somewhat in other posts. My take is that you express yourself clearly without putting others down or devaluing yourself either. You do not bottle stuff up, or push it under. You are neither grumpy nor rude. You simply say what’s on your mind.

In the book Your Perfect Right by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons equality is presented as the basis of assertiveness and assertive conversations you have. On the one hand they do not endorse “getting your way” or “getting back at” someone who may have treated you badly. The flip side is that they don’t necessarily encourage you to “turn the other cheek” (which, in this case, more or less means doing nothing). They write, “We think the important thing is to affirm self-worth–both yours and the other person’s.”

I personally love this concept. It’s so simple when you think about it. What it all boils down to is that you are not more or less important than anyone else.

They explain:

“You don’t have to intimidate others in order to avoid being intimidated. And you don’t have to allow yourself to be pushed around by anybody. By learning to be effectively assertive, you can deal with …upsets directly and honestly, and keep everyone on equal footing–most of the time, anyway.”

They continue:

“Assertiveness is an alternative to personal powerlessness or manipulation. You’ll find in this book a program which will help you develop effective ways to express yourself, maintain your self-respect and show respect for others. We firmly believe in the equal worth of every human being.”

Alberti and Emmons mention a Ziggy cartoon to drive their point home. Basically, Ziggy approaches a door with a sign that says “Assertiveness Training Class.” Below that is another sign that says “Don’t Bother to Knock, Barge Right In!” While that cartoon is meant to be funny, that is not what the their book teaches.

Alberti and Emmons’ book acts as a guide or workbook on how to become assertive. They state that their goals are to “show you how to retain a sense of control [and] a sense of power in your own life without trying to control others in the process.”

I’m quoting heavily from their book today, but they make several good points such as this:

“Aggression and assertion are commonly confused, but assertive behavior doesn’t push others around, deny their rights, or run roughshod over them. Assertiveness reflects genuine concern for everybody’s rights.”

This is turning out to be much longer than I thought. I’m going to write more in a follow-up post. For now, you might try observing how you interact with others, and remember to say what’s on your mind without being rude.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

Why I’m Reviewing a Children’s Book

I recently bought my nephew the book Dear Boy by Paris Rosenthal and her father, Jason Rosenthal. It’s the equivalent to Dear Girl by Paris Rosenthal and her mother, Amy Krouse Rosenthal. Both books catch your attention right away. They encourage children to be themselves and dream big.

Specifically, in the book that I bought, there is a picture of a group of boys all playing hockey in identical hockey uniforms. The book encourages the reader to make friends with people that are similar to you. The opposite page encourages the reader to make friends that are different from you. It illustrates this by showing a single boy from the hockey team (still in his uniform) in a choir of both boys and girls of varioius skin tones.

On every page of both of these books I thought, “Yes! We need more books like this!”

Keep in mind that no particular book or person is perfect. If you are looking for a book for a child that uses gender neutral pronouns (such as they), you may have to dig a little deeper. Or perhaps the book just hasn’t been written yet? After doing some light research, I found that Paris Rosenthal also wrote Dear Baby, which may be of some help.

But the main point I wanted to make today was about friendship. We are told that in order to be modern and be open to new ideas and new ways of thinking, we must reach beyond our inner circle or community. We must diversify in an increasingly diverse world.

However, if you have trouble making friends to begin with, you might need something less challenging. You can volunteer, join a social group or club, or go to a community event.

Volunteering is an example I would like to expand on. You might volunteer at a local library, because you like to read and want to find a way to give back. Over time, you’ll meet others (both other volunteers and employees) who love reading. But heres the catch: there’s no guarantee that the others will be the same age or race as you. By finding something that you have in common, you will have a chance to diversify as well.

Along the same lines if you volunteer at a local hopspital because you dream of being a nurse or doctor some day, you will most likely befriend an aspiring nurse or someone already in the field. You could make aquaintences (which is always nice) or you could possibly find a life-long friend.

For more ideas on how to make friends check out these articles:

https://personalexcellence.co/blog/new-friends/

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-make-friends-as-an-introvert#takeaway

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/i-hired-friendship-coach-help-me-make-friends-here-s-ncna1141571

I think the over-arching message that I’m going for is that you have to put yourself out there. If you try something new, if you go to a community event, or download an app geared towards making friends then at least you’ll know you tried. If you sit at home by yourself you’ll only generate more days of sitting at home by yourself. Therefore, I invite you to be open to new possibilities.

Hope this helps! Feedback welcome!

Best of luck,

Vanessa

Happy Mother’s Day! :)

In Amy E. Deans’s book Peace of Mind there is a very interesting reading for May 9th that just happens to fall on Mother’s Day this year.

She starts with a quote:

Every man paddles his own canoe.

Frederick Marryat

I think she put that there to remind us that we are in control of our own lives. This is important, because people with depression often feel like they are not in control. In other words we often feel like victims to our circumstances.

I think the point of the reading for today is to teach ourselves how to be assertive and therefore take some of the control back.

She continues:

“Do you often do what others want you to or put the needs of others first? Or do you sometimes put yourself first, say ‘no’ when you need to, and do things that feel right to you?

“Assertive behavior can be difficult. Being assertive often doesn’t make others happy, give others what they want, take care of everyone else’s needs, or fulfill their image of you as someone who bends over backwards for others.

“But assertive people have learned to stand up for themselves and express their true feelings. They don’t let others take atvantage of them and are able to let go of the feeling that they have to ‘cave in’ to the pressures and demands of others.

“While being assertive may be hard, especially when it means doing or saying things that may not be viewed favorably by others, it is your way of protecting yourself. To learn how to be assertive, simply say ‘no’–to working overtime, to making dinner every night, or to volunteering to head up a project. Standing up for and protecting your rights–not the wants and needs of others–is what being assertive is all about.”

She finishes with this new goal or assignment:

“Today I’ll be more assertive in expressing my needs. If I don’t want to work late or do something for someone, I’ll say so.”

The moms out there can probably relate to the things said in that particular reading. Often mothers put the needs of others first, and forget to put themselves at the top of thier priority list. Sometimes they are not on the priority list at all. You are certainly invited to put your needs first for a change –not just today but everyday.

However, whether you are a mom or not, being assertive is still important. One common thread throughout the books I have read is making your needs known. Whether you need more time to yourself or more time with others is completely up to you. That was just one example. Maybe you need others to belittle you less. Maybe you just need to be heard. Maybe you need to split the workload at home or at work. This differs from person to person.

It’s important to note that being assertive does not mean being grumpy or rude all the time. It simply means speaking your mind when you need to.

So, is there anything that you’ve been holding in? Is there anything that you would like to say to someone but haven’t, because you’re afraid it’ll rock the boat? We can express our needs without keeping stuff in til we explode. Often people have no idea that they are stepping on our toes in some way. Now is your chance to tell them and set limits.

I hope everyone got something out of this. Enjoy the remainder of your weekend!

Best of luck,

Vanessa

How Procrastination is Related to Depression

In the books that I’ve read there’s often a chapter included that’s about procrastination. I believe the common thread or theme is that depression often comes when you feel stuck; and you feel stuck, because you keep putting off things that need to get done. In Brian Tracy’s book Eat That Frog! he points out, “Your ‘frog’ is your biggest, most important task, the one you are most likely to procrastinate on if you don’t do something about it now. It is also the one task that can have the greatest positive impact on your life and results at the moment.”

There’s a lot of truth to what he says. But if one thing could have such huge results, why do we procrastinate and remain stuck?

I like how Karen Scalf Linamen approaches this problem in her book Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight. She writes:

“I’ve struggled with procrastination for years. I’ve read books and articles on the subject. I’ve researched it on the Internet. But when I read the following words by Dr. Kevin P. Austin, psychologist and director of Student Counceling Services at the California Institute of Technology, I knew I was onto something. Austin wrote, ‘People procrastinate because they experience emotions they don’t want to feel when they attempt to do some things.’

“As soon as I read those words, something in my brain went, “Yes!” It’s true. I don’t procrastinate to avoid doing things–even unpleasant things. Instead, I procrastinate to avoid feeling unpleasant emotions, like my [fear of imperfection that causes] panic that whatever I’m about to attempt might not turn out all that great.”

Here she asks the reader a question.

“What are some of the unpleasant emotions that crop up?”

She includes herself when she says that we may feel:

• afraid
• helpless
• powerless
• overwhlemed
• controlled
• sad
• rebellious
• embarrassed
• discouraged
• anxious
• guilty
• disinterested
• resentful
• bored
• insecure
• exhausted
• ashamed
• inferior

Linamen uses examples in her book that show how friends of hers put off doing things, and lists specific feelings these friends are trying to avoid. However, the one that hits home for me is an example from her own life. Linamen writes:

“I once put off paying a parking ticket until the very last minute because every time I thought about finding the envelope and stamps necessary to mail in my payment, I felt overwhelmed by the lack of organization in my home. By procrastinatin, I avoided feeling discouraged and defeated by my cluttered work space.”

It’s funny. Linamen writes about how procrastinators are often given advice about time management. However, for most of us it’s argueable that this is NOT the issue! It is indeed the negative emotions that we are avoiding.

“We don’t procrastinate because we’re short on time. We procrastinate because we’re short on better ways to manage the unpleasant emotions we’ve attched to certain tasks.”

I couldn’t agree more. When I read this section of her book, something definately hit home for me. I can do tasks. I can make lists, and cross out things that I need to do. And, yes, there is often more than enough time to do the things I want to do. However, I feel that maybe one or two more stories from Linamen’s book could be better examples of the “frogs” that we are talking about. For example, this one:

A friend of hers “put off dieting because the thought of sticking with a diet plan made her feel controlled and restricted, feelings she could avoid by procrastinating.”

If this friend eats her “frog,” there’s a good chance she will be much healthier physically. She could potentially lower her cholesterol, lower the risk of diabetes, and a whole slew of other problems. She’ll have more energy. She’ll be putting less weight and strain on her joints. The list goes on. However, I think it’s important to have friends in her corner that believe in her so that they can give her the encouragement she needs. This is a topic I might cover in another post.

Another potentially life-changing “frog” is this one:

“A colleague has been putting off an important phone call he needs to make that will help unravel the financial knot he’s tied up in. With his procrastination, is he consciously trying to avoid the benefits of greater freedom in his life? Not at all. He longs for resolution. His procrastination is orchestrated to help him avoid unpleasant emotions–embarrassment and failure–he feels when he merely thinks about the problem at hand.”

We could spend time speculating about the nature of his phone call. Was he declaring bankruptcy or simply calling his financial adviser? Who knows. The point is that this is the one thing that could make his life a lot easier.

Much like those in the examples above, we need to take a good look at what’s holding us back. The main idea is to identify these emotions, and overcome them in some way. Linamen sugguests finding a friend or loved one, telling them what you plan to do, and have that person check in on you from time to time.

I’m not perfect. I’m still muddling through life myself. But I find these suggestions and insights to be really helpful.

For further reading you might try Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight: 52 Amazing Ways to Master the Art of Personal Change by Karen Scalf Linamen. She is funny and her books read as if she is your funny and quirky yet insightful big sister or friend. If you want a more straightforward serious approach from someone in the business world, try Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time by Brian Tracy. These books are a little old, so you might have more luck finding them on the Internet than in your local book store. However, both are easy to read, and definately struck home for me.

I hope this helps you learn something about yourself. I already have a few ideas for new posts. So, stay tuned!

Best of luck,

Vanessa

What I Learned From Season 9 of Roseanne

The first eight seasons of Roseanne feature an instrumental theme song. However, Season 9, which was the last season before it went off the air the first time, has some lyrics that caught my attention. They go like this:

If what doesn't kill us is making us stronger,
We're gonnna last longer
Than that greatest wall in China
Or that rabbit with the drum

If there's one thing that I learned
While waiting for my turn,
It's that in each life some rain falls
But you also get some sun

And we'll make out better than okay
Hear what I say
Hey, any day

Yes, I know all about the racist comment that Roseanne made on Twitter, but that’s not what I’m here to discuss.

I took the time to look up who wrote those lyrics. They were written and performed by John Popper of the band Blues Traveler. Honestly, blues isn’t my thing, but there’s something about Roseanne and those lyrics in particular that speak to me. It’s implied that life is going to have it’s ups and downs. It’s going to be downright crappy at times. But if you can find the humor in a situation, you’ll pull through.

I tried to think of a witty, profound quote to reinforce the old saying that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head. So, I’m going to switch things up some by telling you about my own experience.

In the fall of 2015 I was in a car accident that resulted in me getting whiplash. They did MRIs of my neck and back. As far as I know, I did not tear any ligaments. For me whiplash was a widespread sprain/strain.

However, most sprains go away after a few weeks, or so I thought. Weeks turned into months, which turned into years. I keep limber by doing yoga daily, but still run into problems.

I was using a pillow that had been advertized on TV. I quickly learned that this particular pillow definately fell short of what they advertized on TV, but, not wanting to believe that it was a waste of money, kept using it from time to time.

Well, last week was the last straw. I woke up with severe tension in my neck that was obviously due to sleeping wrong. This resulted in breaking down to get measured for an expensive but hopefully effective custom pillow.

The point that I was building up to is this:

The other night I had just finished washing my hair, and wondering how I would dry it. The next thought that occured to me was, “Well, I did it before.” I got through I don’t know how many nights drying my hair and moving my head around as I did so. I reassured myself in that moment that I could do this now, because I had managed before.

In a nutshell I can’t say that life has been perfect the past few years, but I’m more balanced than I was before. I can’t promise that you’ll get equal amounts of “sun” and “rain,” but you will get stronger as they say.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

So, What Does “Introvert” Mean, Anyway?

What does “introvert” mean exactly? Here is a brief overview for anyone who may or may not have heard what “introvert” and “extrovert” means:

Introverts are more than just “nerdy” or “shy.” As I like to say, they are the thinkers. Personally, I usually have a constant monologue in my head, but I don’t say much. You can see how social situations could be tricky. You’re supposed to be “on” and the life of the party, which is just not in our nature.

Introverts would rather read or do something relatively quiet instead of socializing with a large group. In large groups everyone seems to know how to talk over the noise, and follow multiple conversations. An introvert might get lost in the shuffle or feel invisible in this type of setting.

If there’s something that requires our undivided attention, all noise must be turned off or turned down as much as possible.

Extoverts on the other hand love to socialize. They are usually really good at making small talk with several people at a party or office, for example. They seem to easily make friends with anyone.

Extroverts wear their hearts on their sleeve. This sounds scary to me, because I have a lot of walls. You always know what an extrovert is thinking, because they often tell you without being asked. If introverts are the thinkers, extoverts are the talkers. It’s not that they don’t think. It’s just that they are more likely to think things through out loud.

I noticed that while I need complete silence when I read, others have music on or are perfectly at home reading in front of the TV.

Matbe it’s just me but I noticed that while extroverts like “loud” colors (yellow, red, orange, or anything bright), introverts like more subtle colors.

Funny observation: The social ones/extroverts are often afraid of the quiet ones/introverts. They look at us as though we are plotting to kill them. I guess it’s scary because they don’t know what we’re really thinking???

Anyway, I did some light research. It turns out that introverts get more blood flow to the frontal lobes, which is responsible for memory, problem solving, and planning. Extroverts get more blood flow to other areas of the brain realated to sensory and emotion. This finding more or less expains why extoverts need more stimuli. It’s hard to explain. So, I’m leaving a link here:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/introvert-extrovert.html

And here:

https://greatist.com/grow/extrovert-vs-introvert#Bottom-line

So, what do you do if you are an introvert that feels isolated and lonely? I’ve heard it said that it helps to make friends with like-minded people. Some suggestions I have gotten include an app called Bumble. It’s more than just a dating app where you swipe left or swipe right. You can use BFF mode to find friends or Bizz to help with business networking. Others are MeetUp.com and FaceBook groups. From what I can tell if you don’t find the group you are looking for, you can start one yourself. Other suggestions are to see if there are any groups you might be interested in at your school (assuming you’re still in school) or place of worship. You might also volunteer with a charity that has meaning to you.

With Covid coming to an end soon, it will be esier to reconnect with old friends or make new ones.

My goal for this post was for you to have a better understanding of yourself and those around you as well as maybe have a few suggestions. If I thnk of other ways to socialize and/or meet people, I will make another post. Any feeback or suggestions welcome.

Best of luck,

Vanessa

Side note: I didn’t do this on purpose, but the young adult in my featured image is reading 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think by Brianna Wiest. It looks interesting, because most books I’ve read about depression or self help are about changing the way you think. I might buy it for myself.

The Wisdom of Helen Keller

Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan

I have always been in awe of Helen Keller since I learned that she was deaf and blind. I din’t give it much thought, though, until I started taking sign language lessons a few years ago. About once a year or so the subject of tactile sign language comes up and/or they teach Helen Keller’s sign name.

I have become more aware of the life of Helen Keller from learning sign languge. However, what I know mostly comes from watching the movie Miracle Worker, and doing some light research on my own.

It’s simply incredible. She became deaf and blind at an early age due to a childhood illness that her doctor described as a severe fever. As a child her her parents didn’t know how to communticate with her, and she would often become very frustrated since she did not know how to communicate with them. Her behavior was far from ideal until Anne Sullivan became her teacher and taught her to spell words.

The following are quotes that I found in The Pocket Book of Positives: A Reassuring Companion for Life’s Journey.

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.

Helen Keller

That one is thought-provoking. As kid I liked doing my best. Somewhere along the line I learned words that didn’t always have a positive meaning such as teacher’s pet, nerd, and perfectionist. However, in that quote and in the ones that follow, it becomes clear that doing our best can lead to great things.

The next few quotes have to deal with taking risks:

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.

Helen Keller

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

It’s implied that taking a risk is better than doing the same old thing even though it might be considered the safer choice.

The following one reminds me of Mother Teresa who encouraged others to do things with love:

I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but my chief duty is to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.

Helen Keller

Actually, Helen Keller did do great and noble things such as being a political and social activist. But I think I know what she means. You have to put your best foot forward. You have to work as though it counts for something, because pessimists and/or people with depression usually expect the worst to happen. We can easily fall into the thought pattern of “why try?”

Interestingly, Helen Keller had something to say about pessimists as well:

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to unchartered land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.

Helen Keller

These things truely come from a very wise person. She clearly understands what happens when you feel sorry for yourself as well as what happens when you do your best with what you’ve got.

Not bad for someone who didn’t have language from roughly the age of two to six years old!

We have all had some sort of setbacks at some point. My point is that when you fall you can either remain where you are, or pick yourself up and keep going.

With severe depression it may seem that bad luck and failure are the rule of thumb. However, you have to constantly remind yourself that this isn’t the case. If you look around you’ll hopefully find inspiratoin from your friends and family. If not, you can look to those who have made a lasting impression such as Helen Keller.

I hope you find the inspiration and motivation you need this week. I invite you to challenge your old way of thinking, and try something new.

Best of luck,

Vanessa